Sorry,,, more Adele

Honestly I'm not that sorry,,,lol,,,but this was suggested to me by a friend and what I thought was interesting was to hear Adele's insight in to her music. That and it's a good song to boot,,,thanks KAREN for the link!!

Online vs. "real" life

I was anonymous back then, and didn’t feel the need to censor anything I wrote. After all, wasn’t that what blogs were for? Verbally drop-kicking people who hurt me, divulging my uneasy secrets to get them off my chest, saying everything I could never say in real life? Wasn’t that what the Internet was for? Finally — a way to be noticed without being called out.

I had to chuckle when I came across this article, I am at a crossroads as to how much I want (need??) to vent (oh,,, how I want to vent so so bad) versus what I actually should say regarding issues in my personal life. Not that I am concerned about the impact such disclosures would have on me personally, but out of respect to "others" involved (not that I have received any respect lately, but that is another story.)

A primary example being the situation surrounding my now ex and her arrest; public knowledge of the story versus putting a spotlight on something that had remained out of the local news media. In other words, until the court hearings, very little detail had been published concerning the incident. I wanted to blab about it, but out of respect for my friends who where victimized, I didn't. (Actually both my friends and I were hoping that we may luck out and not have any information published in the local media. We did lobby for that idea, since we live in such a small town, but the media won out. To their credit, they were very discreet and kept the use of names to a minimum.)

All of this is why now, no matter what I write, be it on Facebook or Twitter or my personal blog or a comment on someone else’s website, I make sure the words I’m typing are words I am willing to stand behind.

Prior to this blog I had two others, one similar to this and a more personal blog/website dealing with my journey of being dx'd with bipolar disorder and the immediate aftermath. I remember some people even then commenting about my openness concerning my diagnosis, but I was more concerned about learning, reaching out and trying to destroy the stigma surrounding mental illness. I still am, and remain, to this day. If my rantings reached one confused soul so be it, all was good.

Now tho it's a much different scenario.

Like the author, I felt anonymous (facebook didn't exist, neither did twitter); and yes, there has been a progression in my thinking. I will still talk openly about my battles with bipolar and issues surrounding it, but I will not delve too deep into personal life. (Now I'm more interested in topics that deal with proper treatment and maintaining a stable life with or without meds.) Also, I may have an advantage, I keep a personal handwritten journal where all hell is let loose, and I do not hold back; so my need to publicly vent is held in check (altho occasionally, little bits an pieces do sneak out in other online forums. Sometimes I just can't help myself.) Another factor, the focus of my blog is different. I'm more interested in intriguing bits of information that are floating in the cyber world, not discussing the nitty gritty of my personal life unless it highlights a point in an article I am posting about.

Blending my online persona with who I really am can sometimes feel boring; after all, there’s no way to make myself seem super awesome and interesting through carefully crafted Facebook updates or a half-true blog post, but if a slight mundane-ness is the price I have to pay for living a truthful life — both online and off — then bring on the ordinary.

And that I agree with whole heartily. What you see, is what you get. I am who I am, and I hope some may find it interesting, and gain insight. Others may well be bored out of their minds. It is still fun for me, and that is what this blog is partly about. And as I have stated before, I am an information junkie, I must store this information some where.

The Dangers Of Letting Your Online Persona Do The Talking | World of Psychology

Havin troubles,,,

Hey y'all,,,trying to get back into blogging and posting on a regular basis but finding it difficult. Not that there is a lack of info/articles that pique my interest but staying focused has been difficult. Too much going on in my personal life at the moment to stay focused. So I appologize--peace y'all!!

Meditation anyone

I will admit, I do meditate, I find it helpful. Only problem is I haven't kept up with it in a long time so I am attempting to get back into it. Like the author, I'm a mess.

Meditation is like sitting at the shore of the ocean of your mind and just watching the waves come and go,,,This means that you’re not pushing your thoughts away, shaming or judging them. Instead, you’re simply watching your thoughts as you’d watch the waves while sitting on the shore of the ocean,

When I meditate, it is that visual I like to hold onto, I don' try to analyze just calm. The only difference is I do not feel any "palpable presence" as the author mentions.

Currently I use guided meditations so I do not use any mantras. I need too much help staying focused; it is something I am working towards. Depending on what I am meditating for determines where,,,usually I use my meditation time to try and chill before going to sleep, so I usually do it laying down. If I am just trying to regain balance I will sit (usually on bed, only furniture I own at the moment). I have a favorite classical opus that I like to listen to that helps me.

As for length of time it varies for me, I try for twenty minutes. It will depend on what my goal is for the session. Sometimes I'm lucky if I get past 10 minutes, but with things settling down for me hopefully that won't be an issue.

Some good tips for beginners to keep in mind. I am hoping to add some links to the guided meditations I like. And as I learn more will be adding those articles too. Just some food for thought at the moment.


Meditation for Beginners | Psych Central

Here is one article about my ex and cohorts,,,

The Emporium Borough Police Deparment reported that as a result of their investigation into two Burglaries which occurred at a residence located in the 100 block of East 5th Street, they charged David A. Norris, age 25, of Emporium and Holly D. Knight, age 40, of Emporium with Burglary, Criminal Conspiracy to commit Burglary and Receiving Stolen Property.

Police reported that on Wednesday May 23, 2011 at about 2 PM Holly D. Knight entered the residence and took over $100.00 in cash from a piggy bank. Knight returned to the residence along with David Norris on Saturday May 26, 2011 and took several thousand dollars in jewelry and watches. Knight, Norris and a third individual named Lori Beth Taylor of Emporium, PA took the watches and jewelry to a pawn shop located in Salamanca NY and cashed in most of the items.

Knight and Norris were arrested and placed in Elk County and Potter County jail pending further court action after being arraigned in front of District Justice Alvin Brown.

Lori Beth Taylor ,age 30, of Emporium was charged with a Felony Receiving Stolen Property but has absconded.

A warrant of arrest is currently issued for Lori Beth Taylor and a reward of up to $2,000 is offered by PA Crime Stoppers. Police ask that if anyone has any information about the whereabouts of Taylor they are to contact Police at (814) 486-3384 or PA Crime Stoppers at 1-800-4PA-TIPS.

The Emporium Borough Police Department were assisted in the investigation by the New York Salamanca City Police and the New York Erie County Sherrif's Department. Police note that the New York Police agencies are continuing their investigation into the incident.

[I copied entire article with photo from the site below for prosperity sake,,,not sure how long it will be available online. And yes there is a reward for Lori Beth, from my undertanding her "boyfriend" is a trucker and she is reportedly with him,,,tho I am not sure of the accuracy of that information so please don't quote me on that,,,lol.]

UPDATE SATURDAY MAY 30TH 2011: I WAS INFORMED AT ABOUT 9 PM THAT MS. TAYLOR HAD BEEN TAKEN INTO CUSTODY. NO DETAILS AS OF YET, SHE IS THE LAST OF THE 3 PRIMARY CULPRITS

Burglary Suspects Arrested - WeAreCentralPA.com

R. I. P. Amy Winehouse

Some more work pics,,,I know boring

Did I say something stupid?? Hmm what ya think??

Scars

Did I say something stupid?
There goes one more mistake
Do I bore you with my problems?
Is that why you turn away?
Do you know how hard I tried
To become what you want me to be?

Take me
This is all that I've got
This is all that I'm not
All that I'll ever be
I've got flaws, I've got faults
Keep searching for your perfect heart
It doesn't matter who you are
We all have our scars
We all have our scars

You say don't act like a child
But what if its a father I need?
Its not like you don't know what you got yourself into
Don't tell me I'm the one who's naive
Do you know how hard I've tried
To become who you want me to be?

Take me
This is all that I've got
This is all that I'm not
All that I'll ever be
I've got flaws, I've got faults
Keep searching for your perfect heart
It doesn't matter who you are
We all have our scars
We all have our scars

Come on, just let it go
These are things you can't control
Your expectations, your explainations
Don't make sense to me
You and your alternatives
Don't send me to your therapists
Deep down, I know what you mean
And I'm not sure that's what I wanna be
No

Take me
This is all that I've got
This is all that I'm not
All that I'll ever be
I've got flaws, I've got faults
Keep searching for your perfect heart
It doesn't matter who you are
We all have our scars
We all have our scars
Oh no no no

Did I say something stupid
There goes one more mistake..

On a personal note,,,

Normally I don't delve too much into my personal life and the chaos of the past few months, but for the cathartic effect that this blurb may bring I thought I would share a bit of the nightmare.

As some of you are aware, in early June my wife-to-be was arrested and charged by the police for her involvement in a crime against my landlords. Not only are they my landlords but they are my dearest friends. They have been a major support in my being able to get my life back together after returning to PA last April.

Today is what I believe is her final appearance before the court as she is pleading guilty for her crimes and faces sentencing. Altho I don't consider myself a true victim, I have been victimized by her actions. As such I will be able to make a victim statement at her sentencing hearing.

Below is what I plan on stating:

I would like to thank the court for this opportunity to speak. Altho I am not a victim in the manner of the ********, I have been affected by the actions of Miss ******.

To Miss ******:

Your actions have forever altered three ideals that I regard as important in an individual's life. You have destroyed my long held belief in honesty, integrity and loyalty within a relationship.

I am baffled as to your motivation behind your actions. Of all people in my personal life you chose to victimize, you chose the two people that have stood by me through the lowest points in my life. You of all people know that without the love, guidance, and support of the *******'s I would not be standing here today. Your actions, your betrayal, in my eyes are tantamount to rape. You have stolen from me the security I find in the gift of friendship.

For the six or so weeks since this nightmare began, I have watched the two people I care very deeply for struggle with the aftermath of your actions.It pains me a great deal, as I feel responsible for introducing you into their lives. The effects on my life are minimal compared to what I have witnessed in the lives of the *****'s.

My only request is that you cease in your attempts to contact me. Your misguided beliefs of our having any future together are a delusion. And yes I am very jaded in my views; you only have yourself to blame.

Forgive maybe, in time,,,forget, never!!

Very curious

An interesting article, would love to find more information especially about the three Christs; I may have to look for the book. The alone in the dark bit also is intriguing.

mental_floss Blog » 4 Bizarre Experiments That Should Never Be Repeated

I'm still alone, still alive, I'm still unbroken,,,a bit battered an bruised too

Still Unbroken

Broken bones, broken hearts
Stripped down and torn apart
A little bit of rust - I'm still runnin'

Countin' miles, countin' tears
Twisted roads, shiftin' gears
Year after year - it's all or nothin'

But I'm not home, I'm not lost
Still holdin' on to what I got
Ain't much left
No there's so much that's been stolen
I guess I've lost everything I've had
But I'm not dead, at least not yet
Still alone, still alive, Still UNBROKEN
I'm still alone, still alive,
I'M STILL UNBROKEN

Never captured, never tamed
Wild horses on the plains
You can call me lost - I call it FREEDOM

I feel the spirit in my soul
It's something Lord I can't control
I'M NEVER GIVIN UP WHILE I'M STILL BREATHIN!

I'm not home, I'm not lost
Still holdin' on to what I got
Ain't much left
Lord there's so much that's been stolen
I guess I've lost everything I've had
I'm not dead, at least not yet
Still alone, still alive, Still UNBROKEN
I'm still alone, still alive,
STILL UNBROKEN
I'm still unbroken
Still Unbroken

Like the wind, like the rain
It's all runnin through my veins
Like a river pouring down into the ocean

I'm out here on the streets
But I'm standing on my feet
Still alive, still alone, still unbroken

I'm not home, I'm not lost
Still holdin' on to what I got
Ain't much left
Lord there's so much that's been STOLEN
Guess I've lost everything I've had
But I'm not dead, at least not yet
Still alive, still alone, Still Unbroken
I'm still alone, still alive,
I'M STILL UNBROKEN

I'M STILL ALONE!
STILL ALIVE!
STILL UNBROKEN!
I'M STILL UNBROKEN!

I ain't never going down!
I'M STILL UNBROKEN!
Oooooooh-Ooooooh!

I won't let you in again,,,kinda like that

"Bulletproof"

Been there, done that, messed around
I'm having fun, don't put me down
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet
I won't let you in again
The messages I tried to send
My information's just not going in

I'm burning bridges shore to shore
I break away from something more
I'm not turned off to love until it's cheap
Been there, done that, messed around
I'm having fun, don't put me down
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet

This time baby,
I'll be, bulletproof
This time baby,
I'll be, bulletproof

I won't let you turn around
And tell me now I'm much too proud
To walk away from something when it's dead
Do, do, do, your dirty words
Come out to play when you are hurt
There are certain things that should be left unsaid

Tick, tick, tick, tick on the watch
And life's too short for me to stop
Oh, baby, your time is running out
I won't let you turn around
And tell me now I'm much too proud
All you do is fill me up with doubt

This time baby,
I'll be, bulletproof
This time baby,
I'll be, bulletproof [repeat 2x]

This time...I'll be...bulletproof [repeat 2x]

This time baby,
I'll be, bulletproof
This time baby,
I'll be, bulletproof [repeat 2x]

My contribution to astronomy

This is my sad attempt at a picture of the super moon a few months back. Makes an ok wallpaper for my cell phone. I think it's pretty kewl.

Freaky looking thing

Not a fan of moths but thought this was kind of kewl looking.

Home sweet home,,at least 40 hrs of the week anyways

A small fraction of the factory I work in. Other pics didn't come out so well,,will have to try again tonight.

And some more Adele,,,gotta luv her

"Turning Tables"

Close enough to start a war
All that I have is on the floor
God only knows what we're fighting for
All that I say, you always say more

I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb I can't breathe

So, I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't rescue you, you to just desert me
I can't give you the heart you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables

Under haunted skies I see you
Where love is lost your ghost is found
I braved a hundred storms to leave you
As hard as you try, no, I will never be knocked down

I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb I can't breathe

So, I won't let you close enough to hurt me,
No, I won't rescue you, you to just desert me
I can't give you the heart you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables

Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet

I won't let you close enough to hurt me,
No, I won't rescue you, you to just desert me
I can't give you the heart you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables
Turning tables, yeah
Turning, oh

Mmm hmm,,,luv me some Adele

"Rolling In The Deep"

There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch, and it's bringing me out the dark
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare
See how I'll leave with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do

There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch
And it's bringing me out the dark

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

Baby, I have no story to be told
But I've heard one of you
And I'm gonna make your head burn
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Making a home down there
As mine sure won't be shared

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
But you played it with a beating

Throw your soul through every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow

(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
We could have had it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
It all, it all, it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

You could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)

But you played it
You played it
You played it
You played it to the beat.

I'm back

Returned home to PA yesterday afternoon after spending some quality time with friends. It's now back to the daily grind with a bit of a differing perspective on things. Much to ponder, especially as to which direction I want to take my life in. Think I'm going to keep it simple, just me and my cat.

I'm hoping to start posting again in the next few days as I have much to get caught up on. Until then,,,peace!!