When I was doing my brief write up concerning Michelle Duggar the other day, I came across this piece by Libby Anne over at Love, Joy and Feminism where she writes about problems with the Christian Patriarchy and Quiverfull movements also touching on homeschooling. The Duggars have been the topic of conversation a few times as she explains in her introduction.
If you want to be creeped out, read what she writes about why the Duggar girls curl their hair!
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The Duggars are part of a very specific subculture of the Christian homeschooling world, one dominated by leaders like Doug Phillips of Vision Forum and Bill Gothard of ATI, whose incredibly restrictive teachings and controlling practices have earned them the adjective “cult-like.” These organizations and leaders teach that children must be trained to obey their parents completely, without question, and with a smile; that women are not to have careers and that daughters should be actively discouraged from considering such; that adult daughters must continue to obey their fathers and must marry through parent-controlled courtships; that college attendance is problematic for children of either gender but especially for girls; and that marrying and having large numbers of children is the only godly path available.
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I grew up in the same culture as the Duggars. I was homeschooled, I was the oldest of 12 children, and my family was involved in or aware of each of the various ministries the Duggars are involved in. The Duggars parent the way my parents did, listen to the same ministries as my parents, and have the same general beliefs as my parents. You have to understand that the Duggars are not just your typical suburban family plus an extra sixteen children. The Duggars are part of a very distinct subculture, and that subculture has different rules and different norms. I know those rules and norms, because I lived them.
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But let’s get back to the point about smiling for a moment here. The Duggar parents are following parenting gurus who teach that unhappiness or a sour disposition is disobedience. In this climate, what child would have anything but a smile? There is no other option. I also grew up on these teachings. I remember being punished for having a “bad mood.” My siblings and I looked happy, on the outside, and that outward appearance was not always wrong. But sometimes it was—sometimes it was very, very wrong, because being discontented was seen as sin, and was punished. Of course children will look happy, when that is the only option they are allowed.
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Yes, the Duggar parents are giving their adult children some opportunities, but these opportunities are carefully circumscribed by what they consider acceptable. In a world where college is considered godless and immoral, the Duggar sons are limited to starting their own businesses or various job-training programs. This isn’t to say that they can’t succeed, but simply that some doors are closed to them from the start. In a world where women are not allowed to have careers, the Duggar daughters are limited to music lessons, apprentice midwifery, and photography hobbies. Not only are the girls not permitted to go to college, they also aren’t permitted to think in terms of finding a way to financial independence.
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If you’re still incredulous that such little things could be counted rebellion or that rebellion could actually result in being cut off from your younger siblings, it’s worth noting that the Jeub family, who were filmed for the TLC miniseries Kids by the Dozen and were part of the same subculture as the Duggars and my own family, kicked their daughter Alicia out and cut off all of her contact with her younger siblings for being “rebellious.” Reb Bradley, a pastor and homeschool leader who writes parenting books that are popular in the same circles, similarly kicked out one of his sons and cut off all contact because he was “rebellious.”
An Open Letter to Duggar Defenders
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