ADDENDUM::And in my prayers, I always asked, ‘Are you sure you want me to change my beliefs, God?'

"Undoubtedly the most difficult part of your letter is the gay thing. I will NEVER accept that in you. I feel it's a terrible waste, besides being spiritually and morally wrong.  For a reason I don't quite fathom I have a harder time dealing with that issue than almost anything in the world.  I do and will continue to love YOU but I will always hate that." (December 1988) 

Nine years later on February 28, 1997 Anna Wakefield was dead.  Devastated by her mother's failure at unconditional love Anna hung herself.  "It was ruled a suicide by the coroner–no autopsy, no note, no nothing—but days, weeks, months and years of pain and anguish."

“You never get over it,” Wallner repeated. “But you learn, at some point, to integrate the sorrow into your life. I think our ministry has kept me alive. I’m not sure we would have made it otherwise – the greatest human need in the world is to help another person, and we are just grateful to be able to do this.”

Meet Mary Lou Wallner of TEACH Ministries:

Although there are differences in the experiences of the Wallners:

,,,when you know your own teachings and attitudes have contributed to the emotional maelstrom out of which your child found escape only by killing herself,,,Anna’s death came only a few months she had written Wallner a letter to tell her how Wallner’s religiously based rejection of her sexuality had “done colossal damage to her soul.”

And Robertsons:

Though our hearts may have been good (we truly thought what we were doing was loving), we did not even give Ryan a chance to wrestle with God, to figure out what HE believed God was telling him through scripture about his sexuality. We had believed firmly in giving each of our four children the space to question Christianity, to decide for themselves if they wanted to follow Jesus, to truly OWN their own faith. But we were too afraid to give Ryan that room when it came to his sexuality, for fear that he’d make the wrong choice.

Basically, we told our son that he had to choose between Jesus and his sexuality. We forced him to make a choice between God and being a sexual person. Choosing God, practically, meant living a lifetime condemned to being alone. He would never have the chance to fall in love, have his first kiss, hold hands, share intimacy and companionship or experience romance.

The devastating effects of religion are very evident.  So I struggle.  I struggle with my hatred of religion and any individual or group that use it as a weapon.  I struggle with my hatred of the Bible, used as a sword to lop off the heads of undesirables.  I struggle with compassion,,,

To be clear, I do not condone, nor will I justify, the past actions of either family, I find them repugnant. But I do struggle with their actions now.  Is it "wrong" to accept the changes made individually as well as the changes being made in some churches?

Am I being too much of an accommodationalist?

I will never be the "one" to change the church's stance on homosexuality.  That has to come from within the hearts and minds of those that sit in the pews. And that is where people like the Wallners and now the Robertsons come into play

Enter, Mel White speaking in Huntsville, Alabama (2011).  I have replayed this video over and over again in my mind:

Some of you have gone through that and it's what's happening to kids right now.  We've made all these advances and yet have all these young people feeling like they're all alone in the world and nobody cares.  Then someone comes along and bullies them and the next thing you know, there's 5 of them killing themselves in one week,,,[r]emember: there are 33,000 verses that say God loves us and there are 7 verses that you're misusing to say that He doesn't.  Churches, religio, have taught whole generations of people that God doesn't love them,,, Religion is the enemy for many.
,,,
But to see someone stand up against their own church teachings - something happens to you when you stand up and start doing justice for somebody else. Whether gay or straight, when you take a stand for someone else's freedom, somebody else's intrigty and someone else's rights - something happens to you.
,,,
There are consequences to that rhetoric (referring to the many funerals of youth who have killed themselves.),,, Speech has power. Words do not fade. What starts out as a sound, ends in a deed ~ Abraham J. Heschel (Referencing his silent protest of Thomas Road Baptist Church, home of Jerry Falwell),,, I suffered enough from those text, I refuse to suffer any more.

Now you may wonder why the hell I just cited Mel White.  What does he have to do with all this.  I know for certain the Wallners had contact with White, I am going to assume the Robertsons did as well.  You see for any parent, for any LGBT individual who chooses to remain in the church, Mel White's name will be the first they will find.  It is his adaption of the thoughts of Gandhi and King, "relentless, non-violent resistance," that these families and many others are demonstrating.

• James Brownson, a New Testament scholar and author of the book "Bible, Gender, Sexuality," advocating  for a re-examination of what Scripture says about same-sex relationships.
• Chester Wenger, a retired missionary/pastor with the Mennonite Church USA.  Defrocked after officiating at his gay son's marriage.
• The Rev. Danny Cortez, pastor of New Heart Community Church, announced his changed outlook to his congregation after his son came out; they voted to keep him.
• The Rev. Thomas Ogletree, former dean Yale Divinity School, tried for presiding at son's wedding;  he was not disciplined by the church.
• Rev. Frank Schaefer went through several church court hearings and finally won.  Again for officiating at his own son's wedding.
• Matthew Vines is a gay Christian LGBT activist, known for the viral YouTube video "The Gay Debate: The Bible and Homosexuality" and his related and equally controversial 2014 book, "God and the Gay Christian".

 When the authority of the church defines homosexual people as intrinsically flawed, those church leaders become part of the bullying that gays too often internalize. When that fundamental condemnation gets too much to bear, he said, the consequences are tragic.

Rev. Dr. Mel White

_______
In my previous post I mentioned the influences of three "early" pioneers in the LGBT community:  Bishop Gene Robinson, Rev. Dr. Jane Spahr and Rev. Dr. Mel White.  Both Jane and Mel, I have had the honor of hearing speak, as well as meeting them in person.  It was through Jane's message I became comfortable with the idea of being female, gay and Christian.  Mel re-affirmed my personal studies and understanding of homosexuality and the Bible which has since grown and changed through the years.

I mention this as I was looking through the TEACH Resources and Links and was reminded of Mel White's booklet, "What the Bible Says and Doesn’t Say about Homosexuality".  Although I am no longer a Christian and find arguing the from a biblical perspective pointless (the issue of church/state separation and the Constitutional basis there of has much broader implications), Mel's booklet is a great starting point.