Show Notes - No, big-pharma did not make this up

Welcome to this week's exploration of the dumb shit, stupid-smart people say,,,

So this week whilst trying to decide on a story to highlight, I was torn as to what to choose.  So many stupid people, so little time.  As per usual, the story seems to have chosen me, and this one hits very close to home and heart.  As you will find out there is only one topic that can raise my hackles more than religious batshittery,,,

In 1993 my life was beginning a downward spiral that I had no control over. All I knew was everything I did was useless, I became socially withdrawn, stopped activities I once enjoyed, and literally became a hermit. Tasks such as grocery shopping were almost impossible, sleep was unheard of, and my daily life totally disintegrated. Altho there were other factors that figured into the whole mix, hindsight has shown me that my downward spiral was not causing those factors, but the reverse. The pressures of dealing with a chronically ill significant other, financial difficulties, and just the tasks of daily living where killing me.  The thought of mental illness never crossed my mind, it didn't exist at least not in the "normal" way.  I was still stuck in the religious mind-set I had discarded a few years prior; the "fault" lay with me, it was "something"  I was doing wrong. So I ignored the "symptoms" put on my big-girl panties and carried on with my life.

Flash forward,,,

Because of the financial issues, I was seeking help of any kind, the last organization I had visited broke my back and my mind.  That was in 1997.  And so began 18 months to hell and back.  Let me explain,,,

Have you ever watched a movie, where the protagonist and antagonist are fighting; falling through walls and sometimes weakened ceilings,  down stairs eventually ending up in a room where the main electrical supply is concentrated?  During the course of their battle, electrical lines are broken, sparks begin to fly.  The climax comes when the protag does a roundhouse kick to the chest of his foe sending him backwards into the main panel; that is when shit really begins to get heated.  The arcing begins as the antag sizzles like bacon (that is what my brain felt like it was doing) eventually collapsing into a heap of death in the process taking out the power of the scene of battle (or worse the entire eastern seaboard - I watch to many sappy disaster movies).

That my dear listeners is what it is like to have a complete and total psychotic break. That is what happened on that day in 1997.  That is what bipolar type 1 w/ psychotic features can be like if ignored because of religious dogma and ideology; left untreated because one needs to "buck up" and get on with life.

So you can imagine my anger, my despair (I'm not sure what word to use) when this headline came through my news feed two weeks ago:

Fox Host Tells Caller Her Bipolar Disorder Is "Made Up" And "The Latest Fad" For Money

Now I am not going to get into the politics behind Sullivan's statement, and yes there is an agenda. (You can read about that on my blog if you so choose.)  What I want to address is the willful ignorance that Sullivan has in regards to bipolar disorder and just how little of a clue he has about the struggles of everyday Americans.

What Fox News Radio host Tom Sullivan had the balls to say to Aunglee from Sacramento; with a bit of extra from Kyle Kulinski:

“I’m very skeptical. And I’ve got to tell you, if you haven’t been told, I will tell you. I think bipolar is like the latest fad. Everybody and their brother is getting diagnosed with bipolar. And last time I checked, we all have good days and we all have bad. And I don’t consider that an illness. And I don’t consider it a disability.”

Adding, as if for good measure, that bipolar disorder is "something made up by the mental health business just to be able to give people prescriptions and keep them coming in, and keeping you -- paying them money."

Let me tell you what bipolar really is.  Bipolar disorder is not some Hollywood trend like steaming your vagina.  Bipolar disorder is a disease that wreaks havoc on families and ends lives (ask Rick Warren about that).  Bipolar disorder isn't just the ups and downs of regular life. It is about bone crushing lows where getting out of bed is impossible; daily life skills like bathing, dressing or feeding oneself cease to exist.  Simple chores become like climbing K2 or Mt Everest.  You want the "pain" to end but lack the strength to drive your car into a tree.

Bipolar is not just about being happy, it's about being so manic that you start to believe you can fly.  That rules do not apply to you because your very existence is proof that god exists; I mean, why else would "I" be on this floating rock.  Ten minutes later that exuberance changes and you slash the shit out of your arms and legs.  (Yes I am also known by another term, I am Cutter.)

Let's return to that day in 1997,,, I knew none of this!

"He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee."

 ~Nietzsche~

What I did know is that my faithful brain stopped functioning the way it should or rather my "maladjusted coping mechanism"  faltered.  I became a monster that I know longer recognized.  Thus began my 3-year then 5-year road to recovery.

The first 3 years after dx's were hell, as I spent 18 months of that in and out of hospital and tinkering with finding the right combination of medication and therapy.  I lost both my jobs, was forced out of school and couldn't figure out how to fry an egg.  Stabilization eventually re-appeared going into year 3 but I had to be re-taught the basics or what therapy called "activities of daily living."  Getting dressed can be such a chore.

Because I am a rapid cycler, my moods can and will change on a dime, going out in public was interesting to say the least, needless to say I lost my ability to drive and became fearful of social situations.  By year 5 my relationship was over I had moved to Texas where a friend gave me time to heal and rediscover myself (or so I thought).  I eventuually bounced to Boston for a while eventually ending up in PA where I have been for 15 out of 16 years.  It hasn't been easy and I have had re-lapses.


The point being, bipolar (and for that matter any mental illness) has an impact both on a personal level as well as a social level. To be an arrogant twit and dismiss it as "not a real disability" is akin to telling someone who just had a stroke to buck up as they droop to the floor.  To say bipolar disorder "didn't exist 25 years ago" until Big Pharma got involved shows what a fucktard you really are.

Manic Depression was my original diagnosis 22 years ago. But you, Mr Sullivan, may want to brush up on your pre-Hippocratic history to understand more and then follow up with a more contemporary history. It was in the 1850s that the "concept" of manic-depression (or what we call bipolar disorder) took its current place in psychiatry.  Emil Kraeplin [1] continued in the early 1900s coining the term manic depressive psychosis. It progresses from there,,, long before Big Pharma ever existed.

The fact that after 22 years we must continue to fight bullshit such as yours is discouraging and down right frustrating.  It is why I applaud Aunglee for having the courage to speak up.  It is why I have no qualms about speaking about my hell, about my experiences with mental health.  It is because of people like you, Mr. Sullivan, and Rand Paul and Tom Price.  Every day of my life, I will battle against my disease. Although I no longer take medication, there was a time I could not live without them.  It was not because "somebody talked me into feeling and thinking this way" that happened on its own.

But there is a bit of a caveat to all this.  In order to end the stigma, we are going to have to do better than just "You're Wrong" with people like Sullivan.  He is a communicator, a manipulator of words and emotions in a field of entertainment that thrives on the gut reactions of audiences to get them to "tune back" in. 

It’s not about being a Republican or a Democrat; it’s not about being a Christian or an atheist.  It’s about truth.  And the truth of this matter is- Bipolar Disorder is a very real mental illness that’s been around for a very long time.  Our beliefs and perceptions do not change those fundamental facts.

And Tom, your apology is not accepted,,,so sit down and shut the fuck up!

One point I would like to make,,,

The three years I was unable to work, those were paid for by your tax dollars. Losing my jobs also meant losing my health insurance.  Like many others, I suffered the indignity of having to go on the dole after years of working, unable to provide for myself or my family.

At my initial interview after filing the paperwork, I was told I was faking.  That I wanted just some excuse to quit working.  Let's think about that, I quit a $32K/yr job with full benefits plus tuition reimbursement to collect $200 in food stamps and $200 in cash assistance.

Applying for SSDI (like Aunglee) although an option, was never pursued; I didn't have the mental capacity to deal with the added stress.  Lest anyone think it is an easy process, ask my ex, it took 7 yrs and 2 appeals.
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Just a note in regards to my introductory narrative:  because of the complex nature of bipolar disorder and its impact on daily life, I have over simplified.  Although initially dx'd with depression and PTSD during college (early 80s) I most likely had been suffering from bipolar my entire life.  My "acting out" in my early years were signs of what was to come.  For the sake of brevity I kept it simple.

[1]  Kraepelin’s Manic Depressive Insanity and Paranoia in 1921 detailed the difference between manic-depressive and praecox, which is now known as schizophrenia. His classification of mental disorders remains the basis used by professional associations today.  http://www.healthline.com/health/bipolar-disorder/history-bipolar
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Following is a list of some of the books, that I have read(*) or were recommended to me over the course of 20+ years, that I found helpful in gaining insight and understanding.  They are primarily geared towards Bipolar but some do have cross-over subjects (anxiety and panic disorders); many are memoirs or biographies.  This list has not been updated in a few years but is a good start.

*Agents in My Brain : How I Survived Manic Depression Bill Hannon Published by Library Pr (Open Court) May 1997

*The Bell Jar Sylvia Plath Published by Bantam Books August 1, 1983

The Bipolar Child: The Definitive and Reasurring Guide To Childhood's Most Misunderstood Disorder-Third Edition by Demitri Md Papolos and Janice Papolos  Broadway Books (A Division of Random House) Oct 2, 2007

Bipolar Disorder: A Guide for Patients and Families Francis Mark Mondimore M.D. Johns Hopkins Univ Pr Second Edition 2006

Bipolar Handbook: Real-Life Questions with up-to-Date Answers by Wes Burgess, MD Ph.D Published by Penguin Group 2006

*Brilliant Madness : Living With Manic-Depressive Illness Patty Duke, Gloria Hochman Published
by Bantam Books June 1, 1993

*Burn: A Bipolar Memoir Shane Feldman Published By Trafford Publishing 2004

*Call Me Anna:The Autobiography of Patty Duke  Patty Duke, Kenneth Turan Published by Bantam Books  Revised edition November 1990

*Children of Jonah: Personal Stories by Survivors of Suicide Attempts James T. Clemons Published by Capital Books, Inc 2001

*Darkness Visible:A Memoir of Madness:William Styron Published by Vintage Books January 1992

Detour : My Bipolar Road Trip in 4-D Lizzie Simon Published By Atria Books 2002

*The Depression Workbook: A Guide to Living With Depression and Manic Depression: Mary Ellen Copeland, Wayne London Published by New Harbinger Pubns September 1992

God Head Scott Zwiren Published by Dalkey Archive Pr 1996

*Electroboy: A Memior of Mania: Andy Behrman Published by Random House Trade Paperbacks 2002

*A History of Psychiatry:From the Era of the Asylum to the Age of Prozac Edward Shorter Published by John Wiley & Sons January 1997

*Living With Someone Who's Living With Bipolar Disorder: A Practical Guide for Family, Friends, and Coworkers Chelsea Lowe and Bruce M. Cohen, M.D., PhD Published by Jossey-Bass 2010

*Loving Someone With Bipolar Disorder Julie A. Fast and John D. Preston Published By New Harbinger Publications, Inc Feb 2004

*Madness: A Bipolar Life by Marya Hornbacher Publihsed By Houghton Mifflin Company April 9, 2008

*Manic: A Memoir by Terri Cheney Published By HarperCollins Publishers  February 5, 2008

*Manic Depressive Illness Frederick K. Goodwin Kay Redfield Jamison Published by Oxford Univ Press Revised April 2007

*Running With Scissors By Augusten Burroughs Published By St. Martin's Press June 2003

*Selected Poems of Emily Dickinson Published by Tor Books April 1995

*Sights Unseen: Fiction  Kaye Gibbons  Published by Avon Books 1995

*The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide: What You and Your Family Need to Know David J. Miklowitz Published by  The Guilford Press 2002

*Touched With Fire:Manic Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament Kay Redfield Jamison Published by Free Pr October 1996

Undercurrents: A Life Beneath the Surface Martha Manning Published by Harper San Francisco March 1996 (deals with ETC-Electro Shock Therapy)

**An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Maddness Kay Redfield Jamison Published by Knopf September 1995 (This is the book you always hear me talk about and really opened my eyes. Recently replaced this book for the 6th time as I keep lending it out.)

*We Heard the Angels of Madness: A Family Guide to Coping with Manic Depression by Diane Berger, Lisa Berger, Diane Bergerm, Alexander Vuckovic Published by Quill June1992

When Someone You Love Is Depressed : How to Help Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself Laura Epstein Rosen, Xavier F. Amador Published by Free Pr September 1996 (Highly recommended if you are dealing with a family member.)

*The Years Of Silence are Past: My Father's Life With Biplar Disorder by Stephen P. Hinshawd Kay Redfield Jamison Cambridge University Press 2002

You Are Not Alone: Words of Experience and Hope for the Journey Through Depression Julia Thorne, Larry Rothstein (Contributor) Published 1993

*Voices Of Bipolar Disorder: The Healing Companion of Stories for Courage, Comfort and Strength
Richard Day Gore, Editor, Juliann Garey, Editor LeChance Publishing LLC 2010

*The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Inner Workbook) Julia Cameron , Mark Bryan , J P Tarcher, 1992

*Don't Panic: Taking Control of Anxiety Attacks  R. Reid Wilson, Harper Collins, 1996 (Revised Edition)

*Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy David Burns, M.D., Avon, 1992

*Learned Optimism   Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D., Pocket Books, Reissued March, 1998

*Triumph Over Fear  Jerilynn Ross, Rosalynn Carter, Bantam Doubleday Dell, 1995