A Matter of Patriarchy

I am sick to death of this idea that women are susceptible little pushovers vulnerable and open to men’s charisma. When I was in college, my parents became convinced that I had fallen under the sway of my boyfriend, my friends, and my professors, and could not see that I was in fact thinking for myself for the first time in my life. It was as if, as a woman, they could not conceive of me actually thinking independently. And they said as much, too.

Do you know what I would say to my parents, and to Rachel’s parents?

You have 18 years to teach your children your beliefs. Eighteen years. After that, the ball is in their court. If they discard some of your beliefs and choose different ones, it’s not because they didn’t actually understand your belief. After all, you had eighteen years to teach it to them. Instead, it’s because they have agency, and are their own independent people—and you need to accept that.


A Matter of Patriarchy