Growing Up Fundie: The Painful Impact of Conservative Religion

When I expressed interest to them in sharing their stories, there was one common response from all of the subjects: every single one of them wanted to remain anonymous. Despite having left their religions, they remain fearful of judgment, of being found out, and of disappointing their families. So in each case, the names used are not their real names.
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Unfortunately, racism still permeates even in the most progressive cultures. According to Lifeway Research, Sunday morning is one of the most segregated times in America, with churches by and large existing without diversity. And even though I like to think of my particular fundamentalist religion as more advanced, the truth is that when my sister started dating a boy who was black, there was some hateful push back against it from members of our church and older relatives. Now that they’re married, the same people pretend there was never an issue.
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She ended up relocating several times during her childhood, so she attended churches of varying denominations, like Baptist and Assemblies of God. At the age of thirteen, she was accused by her youth pastor of witchcraft for causing a sixteen year-old boy to “sin.” But she still saw herself as a Christian. In fact, she decided, along with her high school boyfriend, to attend a Christian university and become missionaries together.

However, when she was exposed to the missionary curriculum and met actual missionaries, she felt repulsed by their arrogant, colonialist attitudes. The professors, former missionaries in some cases, were rude and judgmental about the same people they claimed to serve. She switched her major to anthropology. And at age nineteen, she stopped going to church.

Growing Up Fundie: The Painful Impact of Conservative Religion

Why Don’t Women Just Leave Fundamentalism?

I saw in fundamentalism a very clear life script and assurances that I didn’t have otherwise.. There wasn’t much about me that fit into my new faith system’s expectations for women, who were pushed into cookie-cutter molds and made to feel terribly guilty if they couldn’t fit. I tried my best. Outside of fundamentalism, I didn’t know how I was supposed to act or when it was okay to speak definitively or stand up for myself. But within fundamentalism, the rules were crystal-clear. If they were also impossible to fulfill, well, that was sorta my problem.

I didn’t notice that the demands were unreasonable, only that I finally had a clear vision of how to achieve respect and standing in my community. I didn’t have much else going for me. My church discouraged all clubs and community activities that weren’t part of their world; I was at church most days of the week, sometimes for many hours at a time. I volunteered extensively and studied my Bible in my off-time–and most of it while attending school full-time! Though I did well in classes, all that really mattered to me was my “walk”–meaning my spiritual life and devotions. I wanted the approval and admiration of my peers and leaders–and I wanted to have what all of them seemed to have: this deep, rich, two-way communication with “God.” I ached and hungered for it, and assumed that once I figured out what I was doing wrong, I’d find it. (Much later I’d discover that many of them were “speaking truth to power”–or in other words, faking it till they made it. At the time, I trusted that they were all being perfectly honest about their experiences and that I was the only one experiencing anything different.)

And, too, fundamentalism fit in very well with my very black-and-white way of looking at the world, and gave me a great deal of certainty about that world. Nobody ever has to wonder about much of anything in fundamentalism, or struggle with difficult questions. Every answer was easy and simple–even if putting that answer into motion was impossible, at which point the problem was me, not the answer, which was seen as totally infallible and unquestionable.
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So when someone says, all exasperated, “Why do so many women stay in a religion that unfair?” I’ll tell ‘em exactly why at least this woman stayed as long as she did.

I was afraid of so many things. I craved security. I wanted safety. I needed structure. I ached to see the reality of the spiritual world I’d been taught since toddlerhood existed all around me. I wanted to be part of something much bigger than myself.

Why Don’t Women Just Leave Fundamentalism?

ADDENDUM::Prosecutor drops murder charge against Micah Moore in the death of Bethany Deaton | The Kansas City Star

When I initially posted concerning the recantation of Moore's confession back in early November, there was no mention that the charges had been dropped.

“My office concluded that we could not ethically continue to pursue the case given the current evidence against Micah Moore,” Jackson County Prosecutor Jean Peters Baker said Friday in a statement. “The duty of the prosecutor is to seek justice, not merely to convict.”
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Baker went on to say that Deaton’s death remains a great tragedy and that the decision to drop the charge against Moore was reached after consultation with the woman’s family.
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Baker said her office acted properly in filing the charge against Moore after he confessed to suffocating Deaton. She added that prosecutors will keep the case as an open investigation.

I am a bit confused as to why, " prosecutors will keep the case as an open investigation."

Prosecutor drops murder charge against Micah Moore in the death of Bethany Deaton | The Kansas City Star

Attorneys: Exorcism drove Micah Moore to confess to murder, but MIssouri woman's death was really suicide - CBS News

I really hate when I get - SQUIRREL -sidetracked. But an update to this story The Seven Signs You're in a Cult - Boze Herrington - The Atlantic.

Although my original post focused on the "cult" aspect, if your scroll down you will see these 2 articles Love and Death In the House of Prayer and What Rolling Stone Didn’t Tell You About Tyler Deaton. Both are excellent and offer a deep look into the details surrounding the case.

That aside is seems that Moore is now pulling the woowoo rabbit out of the hat. And to be clear, I am not dismissing the psychological damage that can be caused by his experience, but the fact that 3 days elapse between the killing and his confession makes me question some of his claim.

After turning himself in to police on Nov. 9, 2012, Moore told investigators Tyler Deaton had ordered him to kill Bethany to keep her from revealing the group's secrets, including that Tyler Deaton was having sexual relations with male group members.

But Moore's attorneys argue the confession should be thrown out. They say it isn't legitimate because it came only after an evening prayer service in which exorcisms were performed.

During an evening prayer session on Nov. 8, 2012, an International House of Prayer-affiliated group called Prisoners of Hope put "their hands on the cult members, shouting at demons to leave and scream-praying in tongues, soon had many in the group crying and yelling and falling to the floor," Moore's attorneys wrote.

BUT,,,

I also question the involvement and manipulations of IHOP.  (If you remember, my concern with Herrington's article was the reliance on IHOPs "7 Signs" rubric in defining a cult.)

",,,scared of the negative exposure Bethany’s death may bring to IHOP, leaders move to break up Deaton’s group and distance themselves from Deaton, a four year graduate of their Bible school and a staff member, hoping that if he goes home to Texas the news will shortly blow over" 

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"The emotional healing session was lead by Prisoners of Hope, who IHOP brought work with the members of Tyler’s group."

It will be interesting to see how this plays out in court.

Attorneys: Exorcism drove Micah Moore to confess to murder, but MIssouri woman's death was really suicide - CBS News

Where American Teens were Abused in the Name of God - Zoë Schlanger | Newsweek

Although the focus of the article is on Suguichi, toward the end of the piece Newsweek brings ut two "interesting" piece of information.  The first is the "U.S. Stop Child Abuse in Residential Programs for Teens Act of 2013" which I'll focus on in another post.  And the second is the re-opening of  Escuela Caribe under new management.  "Gay students, he says, are never accepted into the program based on a parent’s problem with their orientation."

Like Sugiuchi, I ain't buying that for a hot minute!!
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Sugiuchi experience fifteen years earlier paints a picture of a consistantly abusive institution allowed to thrive unreported for decades. By her second day at the school, Sugiuchi’s image of a nurturing Christian boarding school was shattered when her “house father” made her perform exercises for hours.

“According to him, I had ‘an authority problem’ at home. He made me do bear crawls, pushups and duck walks. He had me hold my arms out balancing books until I cried from pain,” she wrote on a website dedicated to collecting the stories of survivors of the school. “We had 24-year-old male house fathers in a house full of teenage girls. I had a house father that used to watch me change clothes. I was constantly either being abused or seeing people be abused,” she tells Newsweek.

Swatting, or being struck on the rear with a wooden paddle, was among the disciplinary practices at the school, along with a “quiet room” where students deemed particularly insubordinate would be isolated for days with only a thin mattress. A system of points based on obedience kept students on different levels, and low-ranking students would be forced to ask permission to perform any task, and supervised at all times by higher-ranking students, including in the shower, Sugiuchi says.

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Escuela Caribe was one of many “behavior modification” schools operating with little regulation all over the U.S. and overseas. Many of the students were sent to Escuela Caribe because their parents had determined that they were misbehaving. Many of the girls who wound up there had been sexually assaulted and were acting out at home following the trauma, according to Sugiuchi. Others arrived with anxiety or depression, or learning disabilities that made them “difficult” teens at home. Still others were there because they were gay, and had come out to their parents, who didn’t approve.

Where American Teens were Abused in the Name of God - Zoë Schlanger | Newsweek

The Seven Signs You're in a Cult - Boze Herrington - The Atlantic

Although I am glad to see that the author is out of the clutches of this Tyler character, I am disturbed by his reliance on IHOP's "7 Signs" rubric. It is suffice to say, a false measure designed to incriminate any group not based in their brand of Christianity.

If one where to look at Diane Benscoter made as well in her TEDTalk:

What really caught my attention was Benscoter's use of the "Us vs Them" mentality A dichotomy I have noticed in regards to Nephilim Eschatology and the Ancient Alien Hypothesis: ,,,[a]nd the most dangerous part of this is that is creates "us" and "them," "right" and "wrong," "good" and "evil." And it makes anything possible. Makes anything rationalizable.

And for anyone who follows what I write, this Us/Them dichotomy is IMHO a big issue in regards to the Dominionist/Theocratic movement as well.

But I digress,,,

Many moons ago I read an article that talked of symptoms of cult membership rather than characteristics. Whiston, in attempting to move away from the "negative connotation" that the word cult entails (the bizarre nature of the group's belief), felt that by focusing on characteristics a more accurate picture would emerge. His focus is on the "behavioral, cognitive, and organizational impact the belief system has on the participants."

1] A belief in the core cult dogma that is independent of facts, logic, or even one’s own intuition. In other words an absolute and blind acceptance of any information provided by cult leaders and literature as undeniable fact.

2] tendency to isolate from the rest of society, often justified by the suggestion that those outside of the faith are wicked, lost, etc.

3] A compulsive need to recruit others into the cult.

4] The deriving of most or all of one’s self esteem from the cult collective and the cult dogma. Often cult members will see themselves as worthless (because this is what they are taught) and will insist that only through the practice of the cult’s teachings can they serve the world in any worthwhile manner.

5] The complete loss of individuality, logic, and objectivity. The only reasons for continued existence becomes the serving of the cult’s agenda.

So I wonder, if Herrington were to be exposed to the above list, would he still be involved in the church as he now is?

Though some of the group’s former members remained part of the prophetic movement, I mentally checked out after Bethany’s death. I joined a church in a liturgical tradition and formed a new circle of friends, many of whom had also left IHOP. I began to rethink my views on homosexuality and other marginalized groups. I also underwent counseling with IHOP leaders. During this process, I tried to renounce what I saw as harmful beliefs, including the conviction that our group had been messengers called to battle the forces of the anti-Christ. To my surprise and dismay, they told me, “No, Tyler was right about that. You need to pray out loud for God to show you your calling.”

The Seven Signs You're in a Cult - Boze Herrington - The Atlantic

See also: 
Love and Death In the House of Prayer

What Rolling Stone Didn’t Tell You About Tyler Deaton

How to Recognize Cults: 7 Characteristics